Where the Stars Meet the Sea Read online

  Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of my little carved mountain goat resting on the vanity. It was a gift my father had brought me from his travels to the Continent. I reached out and picked the little goat up, examining it while Betsy finished arranging my hair. It was precious to me, the only thing I really had left of my father, and I felt a twinge of guilt remembering the heirloom I’d broken the night before.

  After helping me into my gown, Betsy made a hasty exit to look after my aunt. Poor girl. I did not envy her position.

  I left my room, taking my time to observe the corridors in the morning light as I passed through them. So intent was my gaze on one of the tap-estries that I almost ran into Robert outside the breakfast room. “Oh, excuse me.”

  He looked away and swallowed, his posture stiff. “Pardon me, Juliet.”

  A stab of pain slashed at me, for just a few weeks ago I would have told him everything and we would have unraveled last night’s odd encounter together. I ached to talk to him.

  He still would not meet my gaze. “Your absence was noted last night.”

  “I had one of my headaches,” I said. He knew my headaches came on when I couldn’t stand to be in his mother’s presence for another moment.

  “Mother allows that to pass at home, but she will not tolerate that while we are here, among company. She won’t allow you to make a fool of her.”

  Before I could respond, he pushed past me and went into the breakfast room. Dumbfounded, I stood by the door, dreading another meal of small talk among people I barely knew, with the one person who knew me best ignoring me.

  Suppressing a frown, I pushed my shoulders back and followed Robert. He took a seat next to Hugh, the elder of my cousins. I perused the buffet table, piled high with eggs, toast, ham, fruit, and a dozen different pastries. The extravagance was difficult to fathom, especially compared to what I was used to at Lymington Park. After filling my plate, I took the open seat by Lady Ellen, the duke’s younger sister. Based on our brief interactions yesterday, I liked her already.

  I took a moment to study her, searching for any resemblance she might share with the man I’d encountered last night. She had light-brown hair, a winsome smile, and eyes that were perhaps a little wide-set but of such a brilliant blue one barely noticed. She and the duke looked nothing alike. Indeed, had I not known the two were siblings, I would not have guessed them to be related.

  “Good morning, Miss Graham,” she said, her tone cheerful and inviting. “Are you quite recovered from your headache?” Her concern seemed genuine.

  I bit my cheek, grateful Aunt Agnes had made excuses for me, even if she was displeased about it. “Yes, thank you. Much better.”

  “Oh good. I was disappointed we did not see you in the drawing room after dinner. I am afraid in your absence your poor cousins had to suffer through an entire hour of my playing the pianoforte.” She smiled coyly through her self-deprecation. “But I am happy to report that they endured it well.” Despite the directness of her manner, she put me at ease at once. I felt like her opposite in so many ways, yet I wondered if we might be friends; two weeks here would drag by without any female companionship.

  She looked up, still speaking. “Lord Everdale and I are planning a walk through the gardens right after breakfast.”

  To hear Hugh called Lord Everdale was always a surprise, for he was the boy who had teased me mercilessly the past nine years—behavior hardly befitting an earl. I glanced at him across the table. With his ruddy-cheeked grin and unruly dark hair, one could scarce imagine him marrying the younger sister of a duke.

  As if he could sense my thoughts, Hugh looked up. “Juliet loves gardens, don’t you?”

  I smiled through clenched teeth. “I adore them.” Nothing could be further from the truth, and we would have words later. I was not here to play chaperone in all his attempts to woo Lady Ellen. That was Aunt Agnes’s unenviable task.

  Lady Ellen set her napkin on the table. “Then, it’s settled.” She turned to Robert, who had remained silent during this exchange. “Perhaps we could round it out to a foursome—would you like to join us as well, Mr. Nicholson?”

  I held my breath, for I knew if Robert agreed, we would be partnered for the duration of the morning.

  Hugh nodded, answering for him. “Of course he would. There’s nothing he’d like better.” Another lie. Hugh gave Lady Ellen his most charming smile, and if I could have reached, I would have kicked him under the table.

  Everyone around me had already finished their breakfast, so I ate as quickly as was permitted for a lady of breeding and set my plate back, half untouched. “Shall we begin?” I asked, anxious to commence so it could be over. The morning loomed ahead, and I could only imagine how many infernal gardens a castle this size might hold.

  As we exited the breakfast room, a footman approached me, a tray in hand. “There’s a letter for you, Miss Graham.”

  I reached for it and smiled as I saw my name in Harry’s scrawl. It had been nearly two weeks since I’d heard from him, and I was anxious to read his missive. But with everyone waiting for me, I could hardly take the time now. I tucked it into my pocket, planning to read it as soon as I had a moment alone.

  It took us almost five minutes to make our way to the back doors and down the steps. I shook my head in wonder at the enormity of Shaldorn Castle. Thank goodness I’d worn practical shoes this morning.

  Lady Ellen paused and turned to me. “I’m afraid autumn is not the best time of year to enjoy the gardens, but is there something you particularly enjoy? We have quite a variety.”

  Put on the spot as I was, my mind went blank. “Well, um, I have always enjoyed hedgerows . . .” The ridiculousness of my statement was not lost on me, and I shot Hugh another disgruntled look. He winked at me when Lady Ellen looked the other direction.

  As I predicted, Hugh extended his arm for Lady Ellen, and they took the lead, leaving Robert and me standing together awkwardly. “The gardens await,” I said with resignation, gesturing forward. He let out a heavy sigh, falling into step beside me.

  Having little interest in our surroundings, I took a moment to study Robert, trying to guess what might be going through his mind. Heavy lines creased his forehead, and his normally warm green eyes appeared distant. This was not the Robert I knew. The thought of disappointing him, of being the cause of such an aggravated change in someone I cared so deeply for, caused a pinching sensation in my chest.

  Taking note of my scrutiny, Robert gave a slight grunt, making a show of looking anywhere but at me.

  There was little else to do but feign interest in the scenery. The gardens were more beautiful than I’d expected, given my distaste for stately parks. But after half an hour more of Robert’s prolonged silence, I yearned to be anywhere else. How could anyone prefer a garden, where everything looked just alike—hedgerows and shrubs and some very manicured rosebushes, all prim and proper and nothing out of place—to untamed land? Shaldorn Castle boasted miles of acreage, yet we were trapped on rigid pathways, all natural beauty out of sight.

  With no conversation to occupy me, my mind soon went to Harry and the letter in my pocket. How I missed him, missed our time together. Only a few short months had passed since he’d left for Harrow, but to me it felt like years. I worried about him, especially since he’d sounded unhappy in his last letter. I missed long afternoons spent with him in the library, a book settled between us.

  But thoughts of our library only brought me to dwell on the events of the night before. I tried helplessly to think of how I might have maintained more dignity in my conversation with the duke. Every so often I glanced up at the castle’s towers, wondering if I might catch a glimpse of him through one of the windows, until the realization struck me that with his bad knee, he probably could not climb so high. I pulled my bottom lip through my teeth and let out a little huff.

  Robert remained silent, and afte
r weeks of his coldness, my patience was growing thin. Up ahead, Hugh and Lady Ellen seemed to be finding enjoyment in one another’s company. I quickened my pace, leaving Robert behind, hoping to listen in and find some entertainment in their conversation.

  Lady Ellen angled her head toward Hugh. “He is better now than he used to be. Right after his riding accident . . .” She shuddered. “It was a dark time for all of us.”

  My breath caught. They must be speaking of the duke.

  Hugh murmured a brief apology and waited for her to continue.

  “Wait, Juliet,” Robert said, coming up behind me. “We need to speak.”

  After all of his silence, of course he would want to speak now, just as Lady Ellen said something intriguing.

  “Yes, yes.” I turned my focus to Robert only briefly, a wrinkle of frustration marring my goodwill after my many fruitless attempts to push past his rebuffs. I still strained my ears to hear the conversation taking place up ahead.

  Lady Ellen’s voice drifted back to me. “For the first while, even after he’d healed, Halstead was withdrawn, almost comatose. Mother called in an army of doctors, frantic at his despondency, but he put off everything—even the things he once loved. Oh, it made sense that he wouldn’t ride, but he refused to sing or allow any company, he stopped attending parliament—”

  “Juliet.” Robert’s voice grew more insistent.

  I sighed. This would never do. No matter how ill-timed it seemed, nothing was more important than patching things up with Robert.

  “We cannot go on this way,” he began as he caught up to walk beside me.

  “I believe it is your behavior that has changed quite drastically, not mine.” I didn’t wish to be so pointed, but there seemed little way around it.

  He shook his head. “I . . .” The heavy lines in his forehead now seemed almost sad, regretful. Our pace slowed.

  I raised my brows but waited for him to go on. From up ahead I heard the duke mentioned again and itched to listen, but I forced my attention back to Robert.

  He took in a breath, his mouth turned down. “I have been caught up thinking, and I’ve not known how to act around you.”

  My gaze dropped to where my boots peeked out under the hem of my skirts. “You needn’t have been so harsh. I never wanted anything to come between us, least of all . . .” I looked up but couldn’t bring myself to mention his declaration of a few weeks before.

  “I am sorry, Juliet. I was taken off guard. My feelings for you have been growing for some time, and I was certain you returned my affection. And now, seeing Hugh and Lady Ellen together . . . well, I suppose it made me a little jealous.” He ran a hand through his wavy brown hair. “I never expected . . .”

  My stomach dropped as I saw the light of hope on his face. “Robert, I—”

  “Don’t say no, Juliet.” He held up a hand. “Please, not yet. At least tell me you’ll consider what I said before. I know I surprised you when I declared myself, but surely, with the strength of our friendship, our years of growing up together, there is a chance it might grow into something more, if you’ll let it.”

  Afraid he might say more, I quickly spoke up. “You are my dearest friend in the whole world, Robert. You’ll forgive me if I never—” I paused, frustrated with my inability to adequately express myself. “You’ve always been—” His face fell, and I stopped myself from saying what he had been to me these past nine years: a brother.

  “Please, just think on it. That is all I ask.” His kindness softened my resolve. What could it hurt to give him time to adjust to the idea that there could only ever be friendship between us?

  I pursed my lips, still hesitant. “I will, on one condition.”

  He nodded, looking at me expectantly.

  “That there will be no more of this wall between us.” I gestured to the space that separated him and me. “I can’t tell you how hurt I’ve been by your aloofness.” I eased out a breath, grateful to finally have a chance to voice the truth. “I’ve missed your friendship.”

  Though he tried to hide it, he winced at the word. Yet he nodded. “I promise. My behavior was . . . well, I daresay I have suffered for it more than you.” He extended his arm with a smile, and I took it, though I feared my own smile was less convincing.

  But there was no sense in holding a grudge. Robert was my only friend here, and the next two weeks would be lonesome indeed if I kept him at arm’s length for some ill-conceived notion of protecting my pride. “Just to be clear, I shan’t forgive you for letting Hugh bully me into a tour of the gardens,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Especially when there is a whole castle to be explored.”

  Robert’s face went slack with relief, as if he now felt certain those dark weeks of estrangement were behind us. “I promise to make it up to you, but I can’t this afternoon. I have already committed to go fishing.”

  I shook my head. “Very well. This afternoon I shall explore on my own.”

  Robert covered my hand that rested on his arm. “Don’t pretend to be disappointed. We both know very well you prefer a good adventure on your own.”

  A half smile graced my lips. “There may be a few rooms and corridors that have caught my interest.” And one particular gentleman, though I kept that thought to myself.

  “And what do you make of Lady Ellen so far?” Robert asked, motioning to where Hugh walked with her up ahead.

  “I have very little to go off of, but Hugh seems taken. There is no doubt she’s lovely.”

  Robert nodded. “I like her well enough. It’s her mother and grandmother who make me uneasy,” he admitted. “Did you know the dowager duchess still goes riding almost every day? She came up behind me this morning as I was returning to the stables before breakfast. I nearly fell off my horse when I saw who it was.”

  I laughed at the image. “That is quite impressive for someone of her age. But she and the duchess seemed polite enough at last night’s dinner. I cannot imagine that either one of them is more intimidating than your own mother.” I had lived with Aunt Agnes for almost ten years, and she still often frightened me.

  “Yes, but Mother is . . . Mother.”

  “Not to Lady Ellen. It seems both she and Hugh may have to marry into families with formidable matrons.”

  Robert gave a little shrug. “I suppose you are right. Is it—?” He looked as though he wanted to say something more but then thought better of it. “I have no sense of the size of these grounds.” He motioned toward the scenery around us. “How long do you think we’ve been out here?”

  I grimaced. “The better question is how much longer we shall be forced to continue.”

  He drew me into conversation, and we fell into our old, easy way, laughing and talking. We discussed the journey here, the grandeur of the castle, and my distaste for manicured gardens. But I could not bring myself to speak of my encounter with the duke.

  At last Lady Ellen guided us back to the castle. Her cheeks were flushed with a rosy hue, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the brisk autumn air or her time spent in Hugh’s company.

  Once inside we parted ways—Lady Ellen up to rest and Hugh and Robert to their rooms to change for their fishing excursion. I felt almost giddy with the thought of being left to myself. Now was the perfect time to explore the castle.

  No one had specifically mentioned whether we were free to roam, but last evening had proven yesterday’s tour to be deeply inadequate. I had never stayed anywhere half so large, and I liked the idea of getting lost in the labyrinth of corridors.

  And, if I was honest with myself, I would admit to a small hope that I might meet the duke again.

  Chapter Three

  From our walk this morning, I had surmised that the castle had four main floors, and I decided to start at the top. Even at midday the stairwell was poorly lit, with small windows that let in only narrow slivers of light. I had t
o watch my footing with care. The stairs between the third and fourth level were quite steep, so by the time I reached the top of the fourth floor, my legs burned and my lungs begged for air. The towers were higher still. I would save those for another day.

  I stopped for a moment to rest, peering out one of the larger windows in the corridor, trying to orient myself. The view from so high up was breathtaking. The castle was set on a hill, and from this height, I could see all the way out to the sea. It sparkled in the afternoon sun, calm and still, stretching out to the horizon. Unending. Constant. No wonder my father had loved it so.

  But my curiosity didn’t allow me to stay still for long. I moved from one passageway to the next, quickly passing over the servants’ quarters. Pushing open a large wooden door on the east side of the castle revealed the kind of sanctuary every child dreams of. There were children’s books and painted wooden blocks. Old children’s drawings hung on the wall, curling at the corners and yellowed with age. A regiment of dusty soldiers stood at attention. To my delight, the nursery took up a whole wing of the fourth floor.

  A stab of sadness assaulted me, for no doubt Harry would have loved it here; it was so different from the nursery at Lymington Park—a stark, unfriendly room. I’d done my best to see that he’d spent as little time there as possible, whisking him away whenever I had had the opportunity. We’d go to the kitchen and pester Cook for biscuits or spend long hours exploring outside. But as soon as Harry turned eleven, Aunt Agnes had put him thoroughly out of my reach. At Harrow. He wasn’t due home for a visit until Christmas. My only means of cheering him now was through letters.

  My letter! I patted my pocket, having completely forgotten about it during my walk in the gardens. I pulled it out, opening it and unfolding it hungrily. I was anxious for news.

  Dear Juliet,

  Lest you worry, please know first and foremost that I am well. That is, as well as one can be at a place like this. I like my classes well enough, though many of my teachers are bores. Mr. Brown is the worst in this regard. He is supposed to teach us Latin, but his class could more appropriately be titled Putting Young Men to Sleep as Quickly as Possible.